Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
