I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
