I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
