I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
