Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
