I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
