An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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