i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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