You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
