Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
