I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
