This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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