Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
