Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
