I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
