I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
