apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
