You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
