my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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