M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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