My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
