I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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