YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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