New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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