Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
