It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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