Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
