Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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