I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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