So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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