I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
