Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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