she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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