margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
