Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
