The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
