none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
