it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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