would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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