Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
