whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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