Pappa wants mamma naked
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
