turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
