she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
