She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
