He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
