we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
