She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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