I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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