dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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