This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
