Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
