i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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