She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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