Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
