Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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