You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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