I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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