turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
