if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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