I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
