I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
