Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
